Jumping On the Bed!

Yes, this morning was the day I jumped on the bed! Let me explain. Several years ago, during the "Great Depression," I told Mark that on the morning that I finally wake up without feeling like death, I was going to stand on the bed and proclaim it!

Well, today was the day! It came unexpectedly, but joyously. I woke up and realized I didn't feel sick or sad or weak or dead. In fact, I actually found myself thinking happy thoughts. My face wasn't posed in the familiar grimace that it usually is when I awaken. My mind wasn't racing with second-guessing and confusion. I wasn't thinking of myself. In fact, I woke up thinking about a young lady at church that I would like to help, and I began thinking of ways to actually do that.

I sat up in bed and said aloud, "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" My sleepy husband, who was, no doubt, completely stunned at such a positive proclamation from me first thing in the morning, took his place in the "amen" section and uttered a supportive response.

I don't know what will happen from here, exactly, but I do believe this is the major turning point UPWARD!

Hang in there, my friends!!! I will have more later..... Have you ordered Dr. Nedley's DVDs yet?

Courage!

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. That means nothing, really, except that I'm behind.

The GREAT THING I want to report on here today is this: I was telling a friend the other day how much the Dr. Nedley sessions on DVD are helping me and how I'm continuing to do great. She said that she was proud of me for having the COURAGE to do those. She said, "It takes courage to commit to a program like that" etc.... And it made me feel sooo good. I realized that the reason it was so meaningful for me to hear her tell me I have courage is because courage is what depression stole from me! Depression stole courage and replaced it with fear. That's what depression does....among other things. So, it was so healing just to hear that. So when I awoke with an episode of darkness the other morning, tempted to roll over and fall into the spiral, I was able to quickly come out of it because I remembered my friend telling me that I have courage! :-)

If you (out there somewhere) feel that depression has robbed you of courage, take heart. You are NOT without courage. If you were, you wouldn't be reading this. You are wanting to recover and you are believing that you can do it. That takes courage! Also, remember that courage is a trait of God's own character, and He is so ready to share any of his traits with us. Fear is not of his character. So, we need to keep asking God to replace fear with courage. Fear can be valid or it can just simply be chemical activity that manifests itself as fear. Either way, God is the giver of peace and courage.

Well, here in Iowa fall seems to have arrived. A little early, but I'm trying not to get down about approaching winter. So I'm embracing the BEAUTIFUL days of perfect temperature and just that little nip in the air by doing a lot of work outdoors. A couple of days ago, I spent the whole day doing hard, manual labor in the yard....digging up old bushes, raking rocks and debris, etc... I was just sure I'd be so sore the next day, I'd have to live on Advil. However, the opposite actually happened. I was free of aches and pains in my shoulders and upper back that are usually there. Those are the depression aches, I assume. But they're gone now. So, I guess the good doctor is right about getting physical exercise (including work) to ease both the mental and physical blahs.

Not that the aches are gone forever, I'm sure, but at least I know I can treat them with something other than pain-killer.

Here's a strange, but welcome discovery..... my handwriting is back! I noticed when I was going through The Great Depression that my handwriting changed. I have never heard of anyone else having this happen, nor have I tried to find out. But it definitely happened to me. And I know it was directly related to depression. At first I thought it might just be due to my hand being a little shaky. But I realized the letters that had changed were uniformly the same. Particularly my letter S. Instead of the usual swirly S I used to make, they became more like Z. Consistently, as I've gone through ups and downs with depression, my handwriting has returned to normal during ups and returned to abnormal during downs. So..... I'm just reporting that my "real" handwriting has returned. I noticed it a day or so ago. I'll see if it stays that way.

I'm aching these days. My neck and shoulders mostly. I know that's a symptom of depression as I've had these aches before. But the good news is that I had an emotionally disturbing issue come up and I handled it without second-guessing (my OCD demon) my every word. I am thinking more clearly now, even when faced with difficult issues. :-)

NBD/BD: I heard an elementary teacher say that he often handles difficulties with his students by saying something is NBD or BD. NBD means No Big Deal. BD, of course, means Big Deal. So, I'm just throwing that out there as I've had that kind of rattle through my head now and then since I heard it. It's kind of helpful to sort things out sometimes as NBD and BD. Sometimes I even tell myself to give something that seems like a BD at the time the rest of the day and then decide if it is still a BD. Surprisingly, it often gets sorted to the NBD file.

I'm Still Alive

Well, I see that I haven't blogged for about three weeks. But that's not a bad sign. Just a sign that I have procrastinated. I find that I put off blogging my progress because I want to be so careful to report correctly. But, by doing that, I end up not reporting at all. Oh, well, I can't go back, so I'll go forward. Hey, that sounds like a recovering person, doesn't it?!! Indeed. I have a lot to report, but rather than try to put it all in a research paper form, I think I'll just blog along.... and tell things as I recall them. It doesn't all have to be chronological, right? Okay, here goes...

I have finished the 8-week DVD sessions of Dr. Nedley's. I have to say the strangest thing happened. When I finished the 7th session, I kept putting off watching the last one. I knew I should do it, but I just didn't want to. Yet, I didn't know why. Finally, as Mark and I sat down to watch it, I realized! The reason I didn't want to watch the last session was because I didn't want it to be over. Then I thought, Gwen, you really are crazy! How could you possibly not want a depression recovery program to be over? The answer is that it has helped me so much and has been so enlightening that I think I had a fear that once the DVD was over, I might not maintain the positive effects. But when I watched it, Dr. Nedley summarized the program, he said, "It's not over." What?? I felt a surge of hope. That sounds strange, but it's true. He said, "You may feel already that you are depression-free" (well, I couldn't say I was depression-FREE, but certainly much closer to it), "but the recovery program is a 20-week program." That's right. I had almost forgotten that. So, I felt a surge of ambition as I remembered that I have several weeks left to keep implementing the things I've learned and to feel the healing effects. So, I'm now going over my workbook every day and writing down the things I have learned and taking a more solid commitment to applying them ALL. I do so want to be completely recovered and I know it IS happening. Just think---by the time the holidays come, I will be recovered! So.... from here I will be sharing with you bits and pieces of the recovery plan, so that you can try them yourself. If you want to do the complete program, you can find the info at www.drnedley.com

14 Consecutive Days of No Negative Speech: Oh, dear, I've talked about this one before. And, no, I have not yet accomplished it. Still having to start over. But I have become very aware of how many negative things I do say (and think) and I'm benefiting from shaving them down. This isn't just a matter of "thinking positive." The idea of just thinking positive, does not have the same effect as NOT thinking negative. This doesn't mean that we should run from our problems. That's not realistic. It does mean that we should face them with hope and practical solutions.

Classical Music: This is huge! I can't believe how much it really does help. I have it playing right now. I recommend Starlight Classics for bedtime, and Power Classics for morning to get the day started. I could go into detail and WHY it helps. But just try it. You don't have to LIKE classical music in order to benefit form it. I think of it as medicine. But I'm increasingly enjoying it.

Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Keep your brain hydrated.

Exercise. Really. If you can exercise in the sunshine, you'll be killing two birds with one stone as sunshine is also a major player in healing depression. Get some sunshine every day. And getting it through the window isn't as effective as directly. If you do it when the sun is not the most intense, you wont' have to worry so much about sun screen.

Deep Breathing. Oxygen to the brain. This is obvious to understand, but hard to remember to do. I need to put up some post-it notes that say DON'T FORGET TO BREATH!

Read Proverbs every day. One chapter per day from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. Dr. Nedley recommends coinciding the day with the chapter. For example, this is the 25th, so I would read Proverbs, chapter 25.

More later.....

I am doing increasingly better! I feel more stable for longer periods of time and the OCD issues are really decreasing! We have had a lot of company lately, which I have enjoyed thoroughly. It's strange, but often I will feel a bit depressed even after having a GOOD time. I think this is simply because it is taxing even to have fun for someone who is in a weakened state of mind most of the time. BUT not this time. I feel great! So this is a sign of stability taking roots. My OCD issue of second-guessing everything that I say or think is also diminishing. Soon I am going to compile a summary of what I've learned and practiced and gained from this journey to recovery. I will put it out here so that all can see....if they choose. For now, life is feeling pretty good. Not completely normal, but much better. Still waking up sad, but not dwelling on it.

Woke up feeling sick and sad.
But...it's sure not the first time. I hope one day it will be the last time. Still praising God for the great day yesterday.

What a Day!

I'm just reporting in to say that I had the most wonderful day! I felt actual lightness inside myself. I had a great early morning walk, prayer, classical music while I worked through my computer stuff, and then a great talk on the phone with a friend whose insight into some things I've been feeling was very helpful. Then I worked in my garden, snapped beans and canned them all afternoon while listening to some James Herriot animal stories on tape. I'm still canning tonight at about 9:00, but I still have energy (very unusual!!). There is an actual "lightness" to my head that is not only mental, but feels almost physical. Hard to explain, but quite welcome. I think this is a combination of many things that are working together for healing. Oh, and I've seen no entertainment TV for weeks. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, but for right now, I am feeling like the real me. Hallelujah!

Just reporting in. I am about to have my last session or two in the Depression Recovery DVD series with Dr. Nedley. I have gained soooo much from them. But like anything else, it doesn't work unless I apply it. But the positive benefits are worth keeping up with it.

Here's something very exciting..... When I have taken anti-depressants in the past, what they have done is subdue anxiety and depression waves and to prevent the spiraling effect downward. That's good, that's what they're supposed to do. HOWEVER, I am now noticing that same positive effect without the drug!!! When I feel that wave coming over me and starting to consume, it levels out and goes away. This is proof that the brain CAN heal itself of depression/anxiety without drugs if it is given the right food, tools, and information. This is a wonderful breakthrough to discover. Also, I'm waking up in daylight now instead of so early in the morning, so I know my sleep patterns are coming around. And, again, I must say that the most helpful thing for me, so far, is avoiding negative speech (and even thoughts, if possible...I have a long way to go). This does not pertain to the difficult things that happen daily that need to be dealt with. To avoid ALL negative things would be impossible in this world and running away from them would be counterproductive. But what is meant by avoiding negative speech is to avoid criticism, intolerance, self-bashing, etc.... Those are all food for depression/anxiety. Depression and anxiety can be starved (to death, I hope) by stopping those negative impulses when they appear and to replace them immediately with some sort of praise or just simply talk about something else. If something negative or challenging needs to be handled, it can still be done without critical words. Here's an example of something that happened to me recently: I was visiting a church out of town. There was a group of young adults who went up to lead a song service. One of the young ladies was wearing a rather skimpy dress. My immediate response to that was to think to myself, Why is she wearing such a sleezy dress in church? Doesn't she know what that looks like?" etc. etc. BUT instead of allowing that negative thought to gain momentum, I immediately stopped and reminded myself that I don't even know this woman. As far as I knew, it could have been her first day in church. And maybe, in God's eyes, her willingness to get up front and share her music was more pleasing to Him than me sitting in my modest apparel picking her apart! So, I decided to just embrace the music and the words of praise to God that were being shared. And I received such a blessing in my heart and mind! And when the young lady went to sit in her seat (which happened to be across the aisle from me), I had a different attitude. I felt grateful that she had been there and I prayed for her spiritual growth.... and mine!

Stuggles I'm continuing to have with depression recovery are OCD issues. I continue to second guess everything I say, but that is improving too. It's such a deep habit and SO hard to resist. These things didn't appear overnight and they will not disappear overnight either. But progress is happening.

By the way, if anyone is out there reading this, I hope you are encouraged by my honest reports. And if you want to ask me anything, please post your comments or email me: simmonsmg@wildblue.net I'm praying for you. And if you're a praying person, please pray for me too, okay? Thanks!

Well, it's been a while since I've checked in, so here is the update on my depression recovery. I've recently had a bit of a setback, but when I analyzed it, I realized I had backslidden on the things I had been doing previously when I was doing so well. Classical music....attention to foods high in tryptophan and omega-3, and going to bed early. That going to bed early thing really does have an effect. More serotonin is produced before midnight. AND I hate to admit it, but I do believe the assignment of "no negative speech" has greater bearing on diminishing depression than I had even realized. So..... starting over again on the 14 consecutive days without negative speech. If you think I'm a negative person, just try this little exercise yourself! :-)

PRAISE! Praise has been (and is) the biggest tool for success. God inhabits praise and where God is, peace is. It seems SO unnatural to praise when depression is pressing all around, but it can be done....and it does work!! I feel peace arrive at the mention of praise to God and all of his blessings.

Okay, off to work now. Oh! That's another thing. My boss was kind of insulting my work the other day, but I was able to turn that around in my mind and not be consumed by it. Also, I started humming. Remember that humming has a direct effect on the frontal lobe.

Permission for Wellness

This is very strange, but sometimes I find myself having to ask myself permission to feel well! I guess after so much darkness, it seems strange to be in the light....and stay there! That's kind of weird since I DO want to be completely past depression. Just a change, I guess, but a good one!

DAWN 2

It happened! Remember I mentioned on my last post that I woke up at a normal time, passing over the 4 am and 5 am visits by the Black Hole? Well..... this morning I not only by-passed those wake-up times, waking to my alarm, but I also actually felt rested! This is the first time in months that this has happened. I always wake up feeling just as tired as when I went to bed. AND I didn't feel as depressed as usual. I didn't just jump out of bed, by any means, but I did feel like it would be worth it to get up. Praise the Lord! And thank the Lord for Dr. Nedley's depression recovery program. Also, my sweet Mark gave me a lullaby treatment of relaxing massage and then reading to me from the Bible until I fell asleep. This is a wonderful breakthrough after years of dreading to go to bed, knowing that I'd only have to wake up again.

The more I learn about how to reprogram the frontal lobe of the brain and reverse depression/anxiety, the more I'm learning about myself. By the way, I really DON'T like talking about myself. In fact, that's one thing that I believe has prevented my own healing earlier is that I don't want to concentrate on myself. But when I committed to going through this program, I promised myself to concentrate on ME so that I can be well. And then I will be able to do what I really want to do..... concentrate on others. And do it with a sound mind and healthy emotions. I've wasted entirely too much life trying to deal with life using a defective brain. What a waste! Anyway, something I'm noticing is that I'm not freaking out inside when I speak up about something important to me. Usually, I end up fearing that I've offended or hurt someone by my words, and then go back and try to "fix" it. Invariably, the person assures me that they weren't even aware of what I was worried about. It was just part of my distorted thinking pattern in that way. But now, I am feeling that hold being released and my confidence is being restored.

Okay, so now I'm feeling that I need to quit talking about myself... So, I'll talk about God instead. PRAISE. That's something that has really been helping. Praise is not the same thing as "positive thinking". Positive thinking is not that helpful in my experience. It seems rather hollow in its effect because it so often seems to be simply the chanting of something that you wish to be true, but you know isn't. But praise is something different. Praise is stating something positive that is actually true. And the more I do it, the more I want to. For example, it's a hot day today. I could say, "I'm sick of this heat!" (negative comment) Or I could say, "I love this heat!" (positive thinking comment, which isn't true). OR I could say, "It's really hot today, but not long ago I was sitting in a cold classroom wishing for summer. So I'm grateful for this warm day of no coat or mittens." Do you see the difference? Anyway, that's one of the things I'm practicing. It may sound pretty elementary, but just try it and see how much better you feel. And it's also rather liberating to take hold and reprogram your thought processes. Power!

DAWN!

Hurray! I woke up in daylight today! Did I still feel depressed? Yes, but at least it wasn't 4 a.m. and then 5 a.m. in the dark, which has been my pattern. Just waking with dawn was encouraging in itself. So, perhaps I'm turning a corner. Glory be! I think it may partly be due to my improved eating habits. I haven't been eating between meals for the last few days and especially not in the evenings past supper. I've also been eating more natural foods and cut out a lot of garbage. There's a frozen pizza in the freezer right now calling my name, but I called it a name instead. ha! Not that eating pizza is causing my depression. But I'm comitted to trying to do my best to help myself. And nutrition is one factor. Now, on the minus side....I'm starting over yet again with the 14 consecutive days of not saying negative speech. My, my how hard that is! But I know there is validity to it as I have already noticed improvement in my thinking from just taking a stab at it! It's rather liberating, in a way, to realize that I have the power to reprogram my brain by controlling what comes out of my mouth.
So, is anyone out there?? If so, please feel free to lurk. I do hope I can help someone along the way. Even though I'm still struggling with depression/anxiety, I am improved enough to totally believe that it can be cured and that no one needs to live like that forever! (I hope I'm right!)

BACK AGAIN, FORWARD AGAIN....

Okay, this morning was rough.  So was yesterday, and not just in the mornings.  I'm not going to dwell on the details, but just the usual unwelcome companionship of depression, anxiety, and a sprinkling of OCD here and there...  I'm not going to try to analyze how or why or what either.  I'm simply acknowledging the truth since that's important in the recovery process.  Acknowledge what is true....in this case, it's still with me...and then go forward with the reconstructive thinking, the banish of negative speech, nutrition, and exercises of focus.  Time spent in church, fellowshipping with like believers did certainly help to an extent, and time spent talking things out with Mark helped too.  God is ever-present in this journey and I know that my struggle is His struggle too.    So, that's that for now.    I will spend the rest of the day moving onward in constructive work and maybe even some play later!  Whatever happens, I WILL NOT GIVE UP!  

Breakthrough!

I had the most wonderful thing happen today. A good friend of mine left a message on my phone saying, "I wanted to tell you that I've noticed that you look better. I can't put my finger on it, but your eyes just look brighter and you seem more alert and focused in your speaking."

I was so happy to get that message because it is evidence from someone else's perspective that I'm getting well! It's working. I'm having ups and downs and putting the things I'm learning from the Nedley sessions is not always easy, but they are always WORTH IT!! And now it is showing from the outside! I especially was pleased with the feedback that my "eyes look brighter" because a depressed person's eyes just look dim. I can spot another depressed person by his/her eyes and I look at photos of myself during the Great Depression and my eyes are dim even when my face is smiling. So, to hear that my eyes are brighter gives me great courage to keep up with the program.

Speaking of the program, I need to be sharing some of the highlights just in case there is anyone "out there" who is reading along here. I want to be able to help you if I can. Here's the latest assignment: Reconstructive Thinking. Basically, the idea is to catch yourself having distorted thinking. If you have distorted thinking, you probably are aware of it. In my case, I tend to second-guess everything I say (or have said in the past) and it almost always ends up being nothing of any importance. I feel like a cat chasing it's tail in these situations. It seems SO LOGICAL at the time, though, doesn't it? So, here's what you need to do next time you are sliding into a panic or thought distortion..... 1. Write down your feelings and what you are thinking or experiencing. Don't think about what you are going to do with it. Just write it all down. 2. Read it back to yourself. Imagine that it is not you who has just experienced this, but a friend. That friend is telling it to you. What would you tell that friend? Would you see it as logical? Or would it seem distorted? Most likely, if it was a friend telling you about himself what you've just written about yourself, you would be able to identify that the friend is off base. So, do that for yourself. 3. Identify the distorted points. 4. Now deal with those negative thoughts/distortions by RECONSTRUCTING them into positive thoughts. I've been trying to do this and it does help.
Now, to keep things real, I must say that I woke up this morning feeling very depressed. This is my pattern as I've mentioned before, so it is no surprise. I've been waking up depressed for years. But in order to stick with the reconstructing thought patterns, I reminded myself that even though the reality is that I did, in fact, wake up depressed, it doesn't mean that I always will. And I also reminded myself of the very positive fact that it is only in the mornings now instead of all day long like back in the Great Depression. Mark then got me involved in some exercise and his cheerful spirit and now I'm back in business.

Smiling

Well, there is so much to report from my "lessons" in the depression recovery program with Dr. Nedley (via DVD). I don't seem to have time to blog about it as I'd like to, though. One thing I do want to write, however, is that I just noticed something today. I noticed that I'm smiling more. Not that I don't smile normally. It's just that I'm noticing that I'm smiling without really noticing. I was in Walmart and noticed people smiling at me and I realized I smiled first! This is a welcome trade for the many times I've caught a glance at myself in a store window or mirror and seeing a wrinkled forehead.

I've been using the special light for my wakeup times and I'm applying the other suggestions as well like nutrition, and the difficult assignment of not using negative speech for fourteen consecutive days! Needless to say, I've had to start that one over several times. I'm on day 2. Again! I do believe it's all coming together, though.

More later...

Okay, this is my third "starting over." It's not that I keep quitting. Rather, it's that I need a better plan to stay on task. So, now, thanks to my sister loaning me the whole set of DVDs from Dr. Nedley's Depression Recovery program, along with the workbook, I am beginning as a true student. I am now on the third DVD and Mark is watching all of the sessions with me. He's such a wonderful supporter and I feel bad that he has to wake up every morning with me since that is the time I am so depressed. But he endures right along with me, and I'm so grateful. I think that for the most part, people view me as being well. But the fact that depression still lurks about me, even when it is subdued, makes me aware that I want it gone so that it doesn't drag me to the depths again. Just this morning, I had an episode of irrational thinking that was rather disturbing. Once again, though, the Lord brought me up and back on track and the rest of the day went very well.
So.... here are a couple of things I'm learning from the program:

• Nutrition is key to recovery. Foods high in tryptophan, omega-3, and folate are my biggest focus. Examples of those are tofu, English walnuts, ground flax seed, vitamin B-12 and B-6. Also black beans, lentils, and lots of water.
• My daughter sent me a huge book of word puzzles in order to help me with my focusing exercises. I'm enjoying it!
• No negative words! This is a tough one. Beginning today, I started Dr. Nedley's assignment to speak NO NEGATIVE OR CRITICAL WORDS for 14 consecutive days. It has been shown that while it is good to try to think positive, it is actually more healthy to the brain to avoid speaking negatively. Or even thinking negatively! I have to say this is going to be a tough one for me. All negative or critical words or thoughts have to be turned into something positive or just not spoken at all. I know there will be value in this as I know how it feeds my depression when I'm upset with someone (and keep going on about it). Okay, so here we go. I feel like I'm on the high dive.

PROGRESS!

I just want to mention that if anyone is following this blog, I am very happy to have you leave comments or email me if you are depressed and have questions about any of this program that I'm implementing.
I also want to mention that my walk with the Lord is so important in this process, so I will be mentioning that as I go along since this is about my own progress. If anyone who may be reading my blog is not a believer in God or in Christianity, I hope you won't be discouraged from still walking along with me on this journey. There are many practical things (aside from spiritual ones) that can help you. So you can just pick and choose. And who knows, maybe even the spiritual will help you too. Let's face it, if you have depression, you already believe in hell. Perhaps you can find help in a belief in heaven as well. :-) Okay, just wanted to report my wonderful news about my sleep improvement! Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z

Starting Again....

Well, I see that my last blog entry was April 24. I dropped the ball for a while, but I'm back on track. I'm not going to punish myself, but just move ahead. I've realized that one thing that is hard for me in blogging about this topic is that it is hard for me to concentrate on me. This is not as much about being unselfish as it is about my fear that if my family sees me in weakness, then they will not feel free to come to me for help if they need it. I realize this is irrational thinking as depression is not a sign of weakness. My opinion, in fact, is that depressed people are some of the strongest people alive. They have to be. Correction: WE have to be. See how I excluded myself?
Update on the classical music... I like it!! I truly have developed a taste for it. I do believe it does bring focus to the frontal lobe and a sense of clarity. It sure makes a difference what classical music it is, however. Right now, I'm listening to the music radio found on www.drnedley.com Very nice. AND I also learned from Dr. Nedley's information that humming is valuable to the proper functioning of the frontal lobe. So, I've been humming when I wake up and throughout the day.
Otherwise, still eating almonds, flax seed, tofu, and other wonderful "medicines" that are full of omega-3 and tryptophan. I'm also keeping up with the word games. Exercise is plentiful in my job at the greenhouse this summer, which I am enjoying.

I must say that the digital TV switchover has come at a great time. We tried to make the switchover, but somehow we now have less channels than we did before. We already had no cable or satellite, but could still get a few clear channels. Now, however, we have almost nothing. Which means we are watching very little TV. The reason this works well into my depression recovery journey is that one of the recommendations is to avoid TV. Well, entertainment TV, that is. To the frontal lobe, there is a big difference between entertainment TV and educational or documentary-type TV. The screen switches rapidly with entertainment TV and the brain soon gets sluggish and unable to function with focus. I'm noticing that I don't feel tired as early in the evening, and I do notice more focus. So, whether or not we get the TV fixed, I'll be limiting my viewing and expanding my frontal lobe.

Well, it's 5 a.m. and, as usual, I have been awakened by the heavy and low cloud of depression. A few years ago, I had what doctors call severe depression and what I call "The Great Depression." Since that time, I have had various "recessions." If I stay busy and active, I do well most of the time now. But I do still have episodes, especially first thing in the morning. I'm very weary of it, but God has brought to my mind these words from the Bible in James 5:11
Behold, we count them happy who endure.

Now, as for a couple of things I'm doing from the Nedley plan.....
Classical music. It is highly recommended as a tool in repairing and reviving the frontal lobe of the brain where depression is rearing its ugly head. I have to say that classical music has never drawn me. But I now have my car radio set to it and I am hoping to develop a taste for it. And if I don't develop an actual appetite for it, I will still consider it "medicine" which I'm very grateful for. So, go Bach!!!
I'm also doing more mental exercise, which is recommended. Scrabble is my favorite! Mark, who is not a game person, is kind enough to play with me....and even to beat me once in a while. :-)

Day Two

Well, it's late and as the famous football coach Vince Lombardi said, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." I'm not especially feeling cowardly, but I'm not as enthusiastic about blogging my day as I was earlier today. Several times, I thought of points I wanted to mention, but I was nowhere near a computer at the time. Thus, I'm stuck with mere remnants of wisdom. ;-)

For right now, I just want to say that I feel my new part time job at the greenhouse is a Godsend. The fresh air, sunshine (Vitamin D is crucial to healing depression), and soil up to my elbows are the perfect partners for this journey. There is an unspoken presence of the Creator, which can only be helpful.

Well, I just typed a couple of paragraphs and then deleted them. That is a pattern I have. I will say something and then edit it. This is not just because I am a writer. It's because I fear and doubt my own words and second guess myself. I'm not sure how I got that way, but it's true.

Depression Recovery: Day One

Actually, there have been many Days One. Many attempts at willing myself well. Snapping out of it. Putting mind over matter. And all of those attempts were genuine and fueled by a belief in the power of positive thinking, which does exist and should be exercised, and in fact, did help. For a while. The problem is that for the depressed person, all the will in the world can't make a sick brain well. Wow, I said it! And I said it in front of....the whole world?? It's okay, though, because I realize now that a sick brain doesn't make a person any more crazy than a sick stomach. It does, however, mean that it needs fixed. And while I know that my own will is key in my success, I acknowledge that it is only the starting point and not the finish line. My will is not the cure, but my permission to be cured.

I have just completed reading Dr. Neil Nedley's book called Depression: The Way Out. Dr. Nedley claims (with documented success) that depression can be cured, not just treated. He does prescribe medications for his patients when needed, but the ultimate goal is to be free of depression, anxiety, and medicine. I'm there! Well, at the starting point, that is. The approach involves nutrition, lifestyle, spirituality, exercise, and other very "real" approaches. So, I've established this blog in order to stick with the program and be accountable to someone "out there" even if it is only myself reading my own posts. I do welcome, however, anyone's comments.