Here's a strange, but welcome discovery..... my handwriting is back! I noticed when I was going through The Great Depression that my handwriting changed. I have never heard of anyone else having this happen, nor have I tried to find out. But it definitely happened to me. And I know it was directly related to depression. At first I thought it might just be due to my hand being a little shaky. But I realized the letters that had changed were uniformly the same. Particularly my letter S. Instead of the usual swirly S I used to make, they became more like Z. Consistently, as I've gone through ups and downs with depression, my handwriting has returned to normal during ups and returned to abnormal during downs. So..... I'm just reporting that my "real" handwriting has returned. I noticed it a day or so ago. I'll see if it stays that way.

I'm aching these days. My neck and shoulders mostly. I know that's a symptom of depression as I've had these aches before. But the good news is that I had an emotionally disturbing issue come up and I handled it without second-guessing (my OCD demon) my every word. I am thinking more clearly now, even when faced with difficult issues. :-)

NBD/BD: I heard an elementary teacher say that he often handles difficulties with his students by saying something is NBD or BD. NBD means No Big Deal. BD, of course, means Big Deal. So, I'm just throwing that out there as I've had that kind of rattle through my head now and then since I heard it. It's kind of helpful to sort things out sometimes as NBD and BD. Sometimes I even tell myself to give something that seems like a BD at the time the rest of the day and then decide if it is still a BD. Surprisingly, it often gets sorted to the NBD file.

I'm Still Alive

Well, I see that I haven't blogged for about three weeks. But that's not a bad sign. Just a sign that I have procrastinated. I find that I put off blogging my progress because I want to be so careful to report correctly. But, by doing that, I end up not reporting at all. Oh, well, I can't go back, so I'll go forward. Hey, that sounds like a recovering person, doesn't it?!! Indeed. I have a lot to report, but rather than try to put it all in a research paper form, I think I'll just blog along.... and tell things as I recall them. It doesn't all have to be chronological, right? Okay, here goes...

I have finished the 8-week DVD sessions of Dr. Nedley's. I have to say the strangest thing happened. When I finished the 7th session, I kept putting off watching the last one. I knew I should do it, but I just didn't want to. Yet, I didn't know why. Finally, as Mark and I sat down to watch it, I realized! The reason I didn't want to watch the last session was because I didn't want it to be over. Then I thought, Gwen, you really are crazy! How could you possibly not want a depression recovery program to be over? The answer is that it has helped me so much and has been so enlightening that I think I had a fear that once the DVD was over, I might not maintain the positive effects. But when I watched it, Dr. Nedley summarized the program, he said, "It's not over." What?? I felt a surge of hope. That sounds strange, but it's true. He said, "You may feel already that you are depression-free" (well, I couldn't say I was depression-FREE, but certainly much closer to it), "but the recovery program is a 20-week program." That's right. I had almost forgotten that. So, I felt a surge of ambition as I remembered that I have several weeks left to keep implementing the things I've learned and to feel the healing effects. So, I'm now going over my workbook every day and writing down the things I have learned and taking a more solid commitment to applying them ALL. I do so want to be completely recovered and I know it IS happening. Just think---by the time the holidays come, I will be recovered! So.... from here I will be sharing with you bits and pieces of the recovery plan, so that you can try them yourself. If you want to do the complete program, you can find the info at www.drnedley.com

14 Consecutive Days of No Negative Speech: Oh, dear, I've talked about this one before. And, no, I have not yet accomplished it. Still having to start over. But I have become very aware of how many negative things I do say (and think) and I'm benefiting from shaving them down. This isn't just a matter of "thinking positive." The idea of just thinking positive, does not have the same effect as NOT thinking negative. This doesn't mean that we should run from our problems. That's not realistic. It does mean that we should face them with hope and practical solutions.

Classical Music: This is huge! I can't believe how much it really does help. I have it playing right now. I recommend Starlight Classics for bedtime, and Power Classics for morning to get the day started. I could go into detail and WHY it helps. But just try it. You don't have to LIKE classical music in order to benefit form it. I think of it as medicine. But I'm increasingly enjoying it.

Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Keep your brain hydrated.

Exercise. Really. If you can exercise in the sunshine, you'll be killing two birds with one stone as sunshine is also a major player in healing depression. Get some sunshine every day. And getting it through the window isn't as effective as directly. If you do it when the sun is not the most intense, you wont' have to worry so much about sun screen.

Deep Breathing. Oxygen to the brain. This is obvious to understand, but hard to remember to do. I need to put up some post-it notes that say DON'T FORGET TO BREATH!

Read Proverbs every day. One chapter per day from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. Dr. Nedley recommends coinciding the day with the chapter. For example, this is the 25th, so I would read Proverbs, chapter 25.

More later.....

I am doing increasingly better! I feel more stable for longer periods of time and the OCD issues are really decreasing! We have had a lot of company lately, which I have enjoyed thoroughly. It's strange, but often I will feel a bit depressed even after having a GOOD time. I think this is simply because it is taxing even to have fun for someone who is in a weakened state of mind most of the time. BUT not this time. I feel great! So this is a sign of stability taking roots. My OCD issue of second-guessing everything that I say or think is also diminishing. Soon I am going to compile a summary of what I've learned and practiced and gained from this journey to recovery. I will put it out here so that all can see....if they choose. For now, life is feeling pretty good. Not completely normal, but much better. Still waking up sad, but not dwelling on it.