Breakthrough!

I had the most wonderful thing happen today. A good friend of mine left a message on my phone saying, "I wanted to tell you that I've noticed that you look better. I can't put my finger on it, but your eyes just look brighter and you seem more alert and focused in your speaking."

I was so happy to get that message because it is evidence from someone else's perspective that I'm getting well! It's working. I'm having ups and downs and putting the things I'm learning from the Nedley sessions is not always easy, but they are always WORTH IT!! And now it is showing from the outside! I especially was pleased with the feedback that my "eyes look brighter" because a depressed person's eyes just look dim. I can spot another depressed person by his/her eyes and I look at photos of myself during the Great Depression and my eyes are dim even when my face is smiling. So, to hear that my eyes are brighter gives me great courage to keep up with the program.

Speaking of the program, I need to be sharing some of the highlights just in case there is anyone "out there" who is reading along here. I want to be able to help you if I can. Here's the latest assignment: Reconstructive Thinking. Basically, the idea is to catch yourself having distorted thinking. If you have distorted thinking, you probably are aware of it. In my case, I tend to second-guess everything I say (or have said in the past) and it almost always ends up being nothing of any importance. I feel like a cat chasing it's tail in these situations. It seems SO LOGICAL at the time, though, doesn't it? So, here's what you need to do next time you are sliding into a panic or thought distortion..... 1. Write down your feelings and what you are thinking or experiencing. Don't think about what you are going to do with it. Just write it all down. 2. Read it back to yourself. Imagine that it is not you who has just experienced this, but a friend. That friend is telling it to you. What would you tell that friend? Would you see it as logical? Or would it seem distorted? Most likely, if it was a friend telling you about himself what you've just written about yourself, you would be able to identify that the friend is off base. So, do that for yourself. 3. Identify the distorted points. 4. Now deal with those negative thoughts/distortions by RECONSTRUCTING them into positive thoughts. I've been trying to do this and it does help.
Now, to keep things real, I must say that I woke up this morning feeling very depressed. This is my pattern as I've mentioned before, so it is no surprise. I've been waking up depressed for years. But in order to stick with the reconstructing thought patterns, I reminded myself that even though the reality is that I did, in fact, wake up depressed, it doesn't mean that I always will. And I also reminded myself of the very positive fact that it is only in the mornings now instead of all day long like back in the Great Depression. Mark then got me involved in some exercise and his cheerful spirit and now I'm back in business.