Man, It's Good to Be Sane!

I just got off the phone with someone who I had wanted to settle an issue with for some time. Nothing really heavy, but just something that had been on my mind that needed clarification in order to avoid misunderstanding. So, guess what I did? I just said it. And, turns out, it was no big deal to the other person either. The thing to note here is that during the Great Depression, I would have spent hours, days, maybe even months in anxiety and chasing my tail over having this conversation. I would have entertained distorted thoughts, maybe even a panic attack or two, in FEAR of a simple conversation. Uggghhh..... I feel exhausted just thinking about it. HOWEVER, this time, the conversation just came out and it was over in a matter of a couple of minutes. No anxiety. Why? Because my brain is working!!!!!! Because I am now able to sort my thoughts and speak my true and honest feelings.....and be CONTENT with them. As the Bible says, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." That is what a thinking person does. I'm also reminded of another passage in Scripture that says, "How long will you waver between two opinions?" Make up your mind. The problem is that people with major depression can't just "make up their minds." If the mind is broken, it isn't going to be able to sort that easily. But thanks be to God and to the Nedley program and the maintenance that I continue, I CAN make up my mind. There is hardly a day that passes that I don't notice something that causes me to say to myself, Man, it's good to be sane again! What steps are you taking to get to this place? Email me if you need help: simmonsmg@wildblue.net

False Advertising

Oh!! I must say I really get upset when I see that TV advertisement for some drug that is being promoted (I can't remember the name) for treating depression. It's not that I'm opposed to ads for anti-depressants. I would not have made it if I hadn't taken one way back at the beginning of my journey (see my whole story by going to the first post and onward). But this particular one is the one where the sad, gloomy cartoon lady is walking around with this black blob hanging over her. That's her depression. She is saying how her regular anti-depressant didn't help, so then she added this other one and now she feels "better." Even at the end of the commercial when the black blob has decreased in size, it is still there with her, lurking in her life. But she's just glad she's "better" and says that now she can handle her depression. Through the whole commercial she calls it "my depression" like it is an arm or a leg or some other part of her body that she can't shake. Oh!! I am so frustrated because that gives the message to viewers with depression that they can only hope to be "better" and that "their depression" has to be a part of their lives forever and that the best they can hope for is for it to shrink in intensity. Wrong!!! If you haven't checked out my journey from start to finish, please do. More important, check out drnedley.com to see how you can go through his recovery program at home. Or maybe there is a recovery program going on in your area. Email them at their web site and find out. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to live with the black blob forever.

Still Recovered!

Wow, it's been way too long since I've left a post here. Sorry! For those of you who are returning to this blog from time to time, I want to remind you that I'm more than happy to receive messages from you.

Well, I just want to report that after over two years since going through the Dr. Nedley Depression Recovery program, I'm still doing well. Do I still have problems in my life? Yes, I sure do. In fact, there are some things going on that really have me concerned. Some of the same things I was concerned about when I was living with depression. But what I am noticing is that I am not experiencing actual depression. I am sad sometimes, yes. But I'm not crippled by it. I am concerned, but I'm not having panic attacks. I can feel bewildered at times, but not hopeless. The reason is because it is now possible to have concerns about things that may be depressing in themselves without experiencing depression as an illness. This is quite a revelation! This is proof that we truly can recover from depression! Even when life gets hard again. Good news, huh? Please remember, friend, that you don't have to live with depression either.... no matter what's going on in your life. Temporary depression is normal for situations like losing a loved one, the loss of a job, loss of a dream, etc. But if that depression lingers on and on without any improvement, you will want to consider the possibility that you have major depression. If this is your first visit, please start at the beginning of my blog posts and follow through with me as I posted my journey from darkness to light. Check out drnedley.com

Happy New Year!

Well, it's 2011, and I'm still recovered! Praise Jesus! And speaking of that, I have renewed my covenant with God to use my brain efficiently for Him and for others.

It's been a couple of months since my last post, so I'll catch up a bit. We just finished our first series of meetings doing the Dr. Nedley Depression Recovery DVDs. Our group was small, but it was successful and it thrilled my heart to listen to the testimonials of participants as they said how they are better. I am planning to begin the program again in late February and I'm praying for anyone and everyone who may consider coming.

On a more personal note, I had a very warm and satisfying experience over the holiday when my daughter (26) told me that she is so proud of me for "killing the beast" of depression in my own life and then going on to help others. That made me feel very good. :-) Affirmation from one's own children is always a sweet moment.

Well, I am not sure why you are reading this, but if you are suffering with depression yourself, please feel free to email simmonsmg@wildblue.net if you have questions or concerns or comments. You may feel free to make posts here, too, although an email will get my attention sooner. :-)

Hold on! And if you haven't checked out Dr. Nedley's DVD program yet, it might just be the best New Year Resolution you ever make! www.drnedley.com

Next Phase!

Yes, I'm still alive and well! I have been intending to report how the next phase of recovery is going, but alas, I am only now actually doing it. Here is what's happening...
I have been beyond depression now for over a year and a half. Passionate to help other suffering people find the light out of the darkness of depression, I took the Nedley training course to become a director for the Nedley Depression Recovery Program. In October, we started our first 8-week program and we are now on week 7. We have a small group of people who are coming and who are giving wonderful success stories. Recovery is a process, but any little bit of success along the way is so exciting as it gives more and more hope.
If you have not yet checked into the Nedley Depression Recovery program, which you can take online or even at home by buying the DVD set and books, I encourage you to go to www.drnedley.com to check it out. In fact, right now might be a good time. It works!!

Last Piece to Peace

There has been one small piece of depression that has continued to stay with me, even after recovering. It is that sad feeling upon waking in the morning. Not NEARLY like it used to be! Very, very minor in comparison, but still there. I had accepted it as simply a remnant to keep me from ever completely forgetting what depression is like, and thus, being more compassionate to others.

However, recently, I had noticed that that remnant is gone! I've noticed that I'm waking without any of that feeling at all. Well, unless there is something genuinely saddening me. So, the question is.... what happened? What is different now than over the last months? Here it is! I'm teaching math every day. I am a substitute teacher and I am currently standing in for an 8th grade math teacher during her maternity leave. I am not a natural at math....by a long shot...so I have had to study a lot. In addition to studying math, I'm teaching it, grading it, and dreaming it! :-) This is, no doubt, strengthening my frontal lobe through exercise in focus and concentration! Pretty cool, huh? So... what do I do when this math gig is over? Well, I plan to get those puzzles out and do them regularly. Jigsaw puzzles, word puzzles, number puzzles and any other form of having to concentrate on solving something (other than emotional problems) is very helpful to the health and healing of the frontal lobe...the part of the brain that takes the hit in depression. Just wanted to report that.

Weight a Minute!

Hey, I'm still alive and thriving, even though I haven't posted for some time. I am happy to report that I am still free of depression (praise the Lord!) and since my last post, I have taken the training to become a director for the Nedley Depression Recovery Program. My first series will be starting here in my hometown in one week. I am very excited to get this going, and we've timed it to be finished just before the holidays and winter begin! I can't help but encourage you again to check out www.drnedley.com if you haven't already.

But onward to the meaning of the title of this blog entry. No, I didn't misspell it. The reason I'm talking about weight is because when I was suffering with depression, I went through several cycles of losing weight unintentionally, and even coming down to a weight that was concerning my doctor. I couldn't eat, and in fact, felt like gagging when I tried. So, now, when I find myself at a place where I actually have a few pounds that need to come off, I can't help rejoicing just a little that even though dieting is a pain, it is a joy to be losing weight on purpose and not because I'm sick. :-)

Passing It On

I'm finished! I've completed the course for becoming a director in the Nedley Depression Recovery program. Now I am planning to hold the first sessions here in my community. It will probably be some time in September as I want to wait until people are past the rush of summer events. Also, I'd like it to precede the holiday season since that can be a difficult time for many people.

Anyway, hurray! I want to report that I am still recovered and thriving. Life is not perfect, but functioning with a healthy brain certainly helps in handling it. I will try to be faithful in reporting whatever happens from here, including the experiences involved in the programs that I'll be holding later. In the meantime, I hope you are gaining some help from reading this blog. If you haven't started at the beginning, you might want to do that.

Happy healing!

Still Recovered!

Well, it's been two months since I've written here, but I'm busy with two jobs and I am now enrolled in the Nedley Depression Recovery training program. That's right! I'm going to become a director so that I can hold seminars and help other people recover as I have!

I'm so grateful to God for directing me to real and lasting recovery that I feel I would be a fraud of a human being if I didn't help others find the same healing. So, I have three more sessions and then I'll be certified.

If you haven't yet checked it out, don't delay in going to www.drnedley.com to order the DVD and workbook set for yourself. It's worth the cost! If you are not ready to take that route, at least read through my posts from the very beginning and you'll pick up some highlights from the course and from my own journey to recovery.

For now....breathe deeply, eat your omega-3 (see my earlier posts for sources), get in the sunshine (the earlier in the morning the better), and exercise! Did you say you didn't want to exercise? Umm...I think I heard you say you don't want to exercise. Hmmmm.... that's up to you. But do you want to keep feeling like you do now? :-) Exercise truly does lift your mood. Just one factor in recovery, but an important one.

Happy healing!

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Well, it has been a year since I began the depression recovery program and I am still doing great. As you have seen (if you have read my archives), I have had some setbacks here and there, but all in all, recovery has carried through! This is the longest I have ever gone without falling back into major depression, including unhealthy weight loss, anxiety, ocd, and the ever present darkness. In fact, I am far from it. And here is the very encouraging PROOF that I am recovered: I still have problems in my life. Some of them are the very ones I had during "The Great Depression." In fact, some may even be more serious now than they were then. HOWEVER, I am not falling into major depression. I am sad, yes, because I have reasons to be sad. I am concerned, yes, about some situations because I have reasons for concern. But I am dealing with these things with a mind that can focus better and approach problems with honesty and not constant fear, anxiety, and second-guessing. This is huge! So, I just wanted to report this as an encouragement, I guess. Because as I was pondering the things that are bothering me very much right now, I also had to notice that I wasn't bracing myself for the plummet! It is a reminder to me (and to you) that there is a difference in being depressed (normal) and having depression. Realizing this is a very welcome anniversary gift, which I'm warmly embracing. Bring in the cake and light the candle!

Validation!

I'm so charged! I just got off the phone with one of Dr. Nedley's associates. I was asking her a technical question about something I wanted to add to my blog, and while we were talking, she began to share with me the success of other people and I found myself realizing she was describing me! So long I found myself fitting into the description of the depressed person, nodding my head and saying to myself, "Yep, that's me." But now I am in the new group. Or RE-newed group, I should say! Just wanted to share that with you. Hang on! There's a place waiting in that group for you too!

Welcome Back!

As I have felt my "real" self returning, I have also felt regret for the time that is gone. Time that seems to have been wasted, and it gives me a feeling of lament, wishing I'd been more "present" for my family, etc. But, again, the Holy Spirit has kindly brought my attention to Scripture...I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten." What an appropriate description of depression: a swarming locust! But now the swarming, chewing, destructive locust is dead, and the plant is thriving! Depression recovery doesn't erase life's problems. But a recovered brain provides the ability to handle them more clearly and productively. And the joys of life are fuller! It would be enough for me to realize this progress just myself. But it is especially encouraging to realize that others are observing it in me too! I think the comment that has thrilled me the most, though, came from Mark, who has unfailingly seen me through this whole journey, as he was observing me with a smile and said, "Welcome back!"

Breathe!

Okay, just checking in to see if you are doing your deep breathing, everyone! It is especially important to breathe deeply, especially when you are feeling that rising anxiety or panic. Why breathe deeply? Basically, getting oxygen to your brain is an anti-stressor. For example, do you notice that when you are stressed you tend to sigh more? Do you notice other people sighing when they are under pressure or stress too? That's the body's natural way of getting you to breathe deeply. You might even notice that sometimes when you're nervous you yawn more. Again, your body wants you to breathe deeply. So, just do it. Try to take a few minutes every day when you breathe no more than six breaths per minute. You'll find that if you time that out, it's really just a matter of breathing slow, deep breaths. I'm still working on making this a daily habit. I find it hard to remember.....until I really NEED to do it! But it's better to make a habit of it as part of maintenance. :-)

I'm Still Standin'

Hey, everyone! It's been a while since I've posted. But I want to give the report that here in the deep of winter, I am still doing great and celebrating the return of my brain! I am proof that Dr. Nedley's depression recovery program works. I have had a couple of episodes of slipping, but each time that happens I take a look at my list of things I've been taught to do and, sure enough, I've gotten lazy!

Some people may wonder (as I have) if there is a difference in being cured and being recovered. Am I "cured"? I'm not sure, but I feel I am certainly headed in that direction. Am I recovered? Yes! Dr. Nedley believes that a cure truly can be attained...but must be maintained. I'm happy with that because, either way, I have found the "tools" to be depression-free. So whether recovered or cured, the key to success is continuing with what works.


While I can't begin to include all of what I learned from the Nedley Depression Recovery program, I will at least try to share some information and tips. I will start by sharing my joy of recovery! I am forever grateful to Dr. Nedley for his scientific research and endurance to prove that depression recovery (and cure)can be achieved through practical and natural methods. I am eternally grateful to God for being my Divine Counselor and for all of the personal lessons of how completely trustworthy and precious he is. By his companionship, I have truly discovered a lot of light in the darkness! I am dedicated to helping anyone who is suffering with depression/anxiety.

As I find my "real" self re-emerging, I feel regret for the time that is gone that was spent in depression, wishing I'd been a more effective person in this or that way. But as I was thinking about this, I discovered a promise from God's word that has given me renewed joy! It says, "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten." Restore the years. That is a promise I'm so grateful for. That swarming, chewing, destructive locust is dead and the plant is thriving again! Depression recovery doesn't erase life's problems. Problems and sadness and challenges will always happen in this world. But a renewed brain gives the ability to handle them more clearly and productively. And the joys of life are fuller!

It would be enough for me to realize this progress just myself. But it is especially encouraging to realize that others are observing it in me too! For example, a friend told me my eyes "look brighter" these days! That was so satisfying, considering all the photos I've seen of myself with dead eyes. But I think the words that have thrilled me most are from Mark, who has unfailingly seen me through this whole journey, as he was observing me with a smile and said, "Welcome back!" :-)

Jumping On the Bed!

Yes, this morning was the day I jumped on the bed! Let me explain. Several years ago, during the "Great Depression," I told Mark that on the morning that I finally wake up without feeling like death, I was going to stand on the bed and proclaim it!

Well, today was the day! It came unexpectedly, but joyously. I woke up and realized I didn't feel sick or sad or weak or dead. In fact, I actually found myself thinking happy thoughts. My face wasn't posed in the familiar grimace that it usually is when I awaken. My mind wasn't racing with second-guessing and confusion. I wasn't thinking of myself. In fact, I woke up thinking about a young lady at church that I would like to help, and I began thinking of ways to actually do that.

I sat up in bed and said aloud, "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" My sleepy husband, who was, no doubt, completely stunned at such a positive proclamation from me first thing in the morning, took his place in the "amen" section and uttered a supportive response.

I don't know what will happen from here, exactly, but I do believe this is the major turning point UPWARD!

Hang in there, my friends!!! I will have more later..... Have you ordered Dr. Nedley's DVDs yet?

Courage!

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. That means nothing, really, except that I'm behind.

The GREAT THING I want to report on here today is this: I was telling a friend the other day how much the Dr. Nedley sessions on DVD are helping me and how I'm continuing to do great. She said that she was proud of me for having the COURAGE to do those. She said, "It takes courage to commit to a program like that" etc.... And it made me feel sooo good. I realized that the reason it was so meaningful for me to hear her tell me I have courage is because courage is what depression stole from me! Depression stole courage and replaced it with fear. That's what depression does....among other things. So, it was so healing just to hear that. So when I awoke with an episode of darkness the other morning, tempted to roll over and fall into the spiral, I was able to quickly come out of it because I remembered my friend telling me that I have courage! :-)

If you (out there somewhere) feel that depression has robbed you of courage, take heart. You are NOT without courage. If you were, you wouldn't be reading this. You are wanting to recover and you are believing that you can do it. That takes courage! Also, remember that courage is a trait of God's own character, and He is so ready to share any of his traits with us. Fear is not of his character. So, we need to keep asking God to replace fear with courage. Fear can be valid or it can just simply be chemical activity that manifests itself as fear. Either way, God is the giver of peace and courage.

Well, here in Iowa fall seems to have arrived. A little early, but I'm trying not to get down about approaching winter. So I'm embracing the BEAUTIFUL days of perfect temperature and just that little nip in the air by doing a lot of work outdoors. A couple of days ago, I spent the whole day doing hard, manual labor in the yard....digging up old bushes, raking rocks and debris, etc... I was just sure I'd be so sore the next day, I'd have to live on Advil. However, the opposite actually happened. I was free of aches and pains in my shoulders and upper back that are usually there. Those are the depression aches, I assume. But they're gone now. So, I guess the good doctor is right about getting physical exercise (including work) to ease both the mental and physical blahs.

Not that the aches are gone forever, I'm sure, but at least I know I can treat them with something other than pain-killer.

Here's a strange, but welcome discovery..... my handwriting is back! I noticed when I was going through The Great Depression that my handwriting changed. I have never heard of anyone else having this happen, nor have I tried to find out. But it definitely happened to me. And I know it was directly related to depression. At first I thought it might just be due to my hand being a little shaky. But I realized the letters that had changed were uniformly the same. Particularly my letter S. Instead of the usual swirly S I used to make, they became more like Z. Consistently, as I've gone through ups and downs with depression, my handwriting has returned to normal during ups and returned to abnormal during downs. So..... I'm just reporting that my "real" handwriting has returned. I noticed it a day or so ago. I'll see if it stays that way.

I'm aching these days. My neck and shoulders mostly. I know that's a symptom of depression as I've had these aches before. But the good news is that I had an emotionally disturbing issue come up and I handled it without second-guessing (my OCD demon) my every word. I am thinking more clearly now, even when faced with difficult issues. :-)

NBD/BD: I heard an elementary teacher say that he often handles difficulties with his students by saying something is NBD or BD. NBD means No Big Deal. BD, of course, means Big Deal. So, I'm just throwing that out there as I've had that kind of rattle through my head now and then since I heard it. It's kind of helpful to sort things out sometimes as NBD and BD. Sometimes I even tell myself to give something that seems like a BD at the time the rest of the day and then decide if it is still a BD. Surprisingly, it often gets sorted to the NBD file.

I'm Still Alive

Well, I see that I haven't blogged for about three weeks. But that's not a bad sign. Just a sign that I have procrastinated. I find that I put off blogging my progress because I want to be so careful to report correctly. But, by doing that, I end up not reporting at all. Oh, well, I can't go back, so I'll go forward. Hey, that sounds like a recovering person, doesn't it?!! Indeed. I have a lot to report, but rather than try to put it all in a research paper form, I think I'll just blog along.... and tell things as I recall them. It doesn't all have to be chronological, right? Okay, here goes...

I have finished the 8-week DVD sessions of Dr. Nedley's. I have to say the strangest thing happened. When I finished the 7th session, I kept putting off watching the last one. I knew I should do it, but I just didn't want to. Yet, I didn't know why. Finally, as Mark and I sat down to watch it, I realized! The reason I didn't want to watch the last session was because I didn't want it to be over. Then I thought, Gwen, you really are crazy! How could you possibly not want a depression recovery program to be over? The answer is that it has helped me so much and has been so enlightening that I think I had a fear that once the DVD was over, I might not maintain the positive effects. But when I watched it, Dr. Nedley summarized the program, he said, "It's not over." What?? I felt a surge of hope. That sounds strange, but it's true. He said, "You may feel already that you are depression-free" (well, I couldn't say I was depression-FREE, but certainly much closer to it), "but the recovery program is a 20-week program." That's right. I had almost forgotten that. So, I felt a surge of ambition as I remembered that I have several weeks left to keep implementing the things I've learned and to feel the healing effects. So, I'm now going over my workbook every day and writing down the things I have learned and taking a more solid commitment to applying them ALL. I do so want to be completely recovered and I know it IS happening. Just think---by the time the holidays come, I will be recovered! So.... from here I will be sharing with you bits and pieces of the recovery plan, so that you can try them yourself. If you want to do the complete program, you can find the info at www.drnedley.com

14 Consecutive Days of No Negative Speech: Oh, dear, I've talked about this one before. And, no, I have not yet accomplished it. Still having to start over. But I have become very aware of how many negative things I do say (and think) and I'm benefiting from shaving them down. This isn't just a matter of "thinking positive." The idea of just thinking positive, does not have the same effect as NOT thinking negative. This doesn't mean that we should run from our problems. That's not realistic. It does mean that we should face them with hope and practical solutions.

Classical Music: This is huge! I can't believe how much it really does help. I have it playing right now. I recommend Starlight Classics for bedtime, and Power Classics for morning to get the day started. I could go into detail and WHY it helps. But just try it. You don't have to LIKE classical music in order to benefit form it. I think of it as medicine. But I'm increasingly enjoying it.

Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Keep your brain hydrated.

Exercise. Really. If you can exercise in the sunshine, you'll be killing two birds with one stone as sunshine is also a major player in healing depression. Get some sunshine every day. And getting it through the window isn't as effective as directly. If you do it when the sun is not the most intense, you wont' have to worry so much about sun screen.

Deep Breathing. Oxygen to the brain. This is obvious to understand, but hard to remember to do. I need to put up some post-it notes that say DON'T FORGET TO BREATH!

Read Proverbs every day. One chapter per day from the book of Proverbs in the Bible. Dr. Nedley recommends coinciding the day with the chapter. For example, this is the 25th, so I would read Proverbs, chapter 25.

More later.....